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Armadillos shouldn’t try,
To emulate the birds and fly.
… however hard they try to flap ’em,
Without wings, it just won’t happen.
Equally, it would be smart,
To stay away from martial arts,
(a ‘dillo in a judo suit,
Could never be considered cute).
Imagine how extremely silly,
Sumo wrestling armadilli,
In all that jock strap Sumo gear.
So, before they try new sports,
‘dillos (as they’re called for short),
Should take a moment for reflection,
To determine which direction,
Suits their talents best.
Then ditch all notions of the rest.
For example, armadillo golf requires,
Much shorter clubs, or ‘dillos that are higher.
Similarly, cycling would seem,
To be beyond an armadillos wildest dream.
As would cricket, netball, hockey,
Or point to point with teeny, tiny armadillo
High jump, long jump, marathon, all out.
Skiing, boxing, javelin, also no no’s without doubt.
Keep on Rolling
Gymnastics, too, would be a step too far.
Can you imagine armadillos on the asymetric bars?
No. What armadillos do the best of all,
Is simply curl up in a perfect armoured ball.
And there is a sport that makes an almost ideal fit,
With no need to purchase any special kit.
Forget those games like billiards, where balls are pushed
The perfect armadillo sport is, surely, bowls?
And bowls is played by gentlefolk, disciplined and kind.
The sort of folk that mannered armadillos like to find.
All the player armadillo needs to do,
Is curl up in a ball beside the bowling player’s shoe.
And with his head tucked tightly in his back,
Roll gently down the green towards the jack.
This works as well for flat or crown green bowling.
All the ‘dillo needs to do is ‘keep on rolling’,
And when the game is over at the end of play,
The mannered armadillo just uncurls and walks away.
But, listen armadillos. Here’s a warning of a sort.
Ten pin bowling in an alley is quite a different sport.
There is nothing at all genteel about rushing down a track,
And smashing into skittles with your head or with your back.
And in case you choose to disregard my good advice,
Here’s another thought that might just bring some tears
into your eyes.
While you’re waiting to be bowled, with your head tucked
in your bum.
Where do you think the bowler plans to stick his finger and
From Review posted on www.barnesandnoble.com
Review posted by: Anonymous March 24, 2013
Good book, get it now now. I said now.
Now also available in a paperback edition
Click here for more details.
Barnaby Wilde (author)
From Review posted onSmashwords by Tracey Howard on Oct. 30, 2014
This collection reminded me a lot of works by Silverstein. Lots of giggles and some outright belly
laughs at the clever use of words and phrases as well as the usual Wilde twisty perspective!